Writer's Caffe

December 9, 2009

Holocaust Tycoon

Filed under: PC — amerkaj @ 3:09 pm

Holocaust Tycoon

The most fun you can have outside a Gulag!

~ Ehud Barak

Dear God! How horrible, I can't believe how fat I look compared to these people! We should share diet tips...

~ Oscar Wilde on Holocaust Tycoon

This is more fun than Disneyland!

~ Walt Disney

Holocaust Tycoon is a simulation computer game, released for Windows XP and Wii platforms in 2006. It was developed by Ka-tzetnik Enterprises in Berlin, and later released throughout Europe by WN Software. In Holocaust Tycoon, the player must successfully manage a camp, without going bankrupt, whilst avoiding the attention of invading Allied Forces.

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Gameplay

The player begins with an empty plot of land, levelled and ready for development. In the early stages of the game, the player will build his camp, adding huts, arranging for political opponents, enemy aliens, specific ethnic or religious groups to be transported in, and the construction of (initially experimental) gas chambers. As with most games of this genre the early development is the most important stage, as the structure of the camp is crucial to its survival. Controversially, players are encouraged to cram as many people into huts, to heighten profit (refered to in-game as ‘death toll’).

Eventually, as the camp develops, more options become available. For example, the player must then negotiate contracts with various loyal companies, such as gas providers, freight rail and ancient computer companies (IBM is available). The object of this game is to build an organised and brutal camp, allowing your Commandant promotion whilst gaining the love and appreciation of the Master Race.

Although primarily a strategy game, the game contains a few action-oriented “mission sequences”. Verlassen Verboten! is a first-person shooter in which the player must prevent camp residents from climbing the fence or tunneling. In Trash Day, the player must keep the disposal units running under an increasingly heavy stream of biological waste.

Punters form an orderly queue to acquire Concentrated Orange Jews. Just one mug contains 100% of a punter’s recommended daily intake of Zyklon B. From Uncle Auschwitz!

Units

These are the basic units in the original Holocaust tycoon.

  • Führer – The player’s character. The strongest unit in the game. You can modify the face, but not the moustache.
  • Prisoners – Cannot be created, only imported. For 50 Reichmarks a prisoner can be converted into a “weasel”. He can be told apart from the other prisoners by the fact that he is wearing 18 golden watches and 4 pairs of shoes.
  • Ferret – cost: 250. These specially trained SA soldiers (no, they are not actual ferrets) are used to hunt out tunnels and escape schemes hatched by prisoners.
  • SA-forces – cost: 100. Normal soldier units, and your main camp defenders. The SA forces have the Goose-step ability which gives them +50% moving speed.
  • SS-forces – cost: 500. Better than SA-forces. Special power: can turn your enemies to your allies.
  • Gestapo Forces – cost: 200. Sneak attack prisoners and enemies and civilians and Jews.
  • Furnace truck – cost: 2000. Fast truck with a furnace mounted on the roof. Burns your enemy.
  • Gas Chamber bomb – cost: 5000. Drops a big gas chamber on your enemies.
  • Executioner – cost: 50. Basic unit, armed with a luger. Special power: May evolve if supplied with a Leaf Stone.
  • Doctor – cost: 200. Doctors are very important special units that can perform various scientific experiments. With a doctor, you can create new poisons and chemical weapons just by sacrificing a few prisoners for the the testing.
  • Überdöpperführer – cost: 6000 Can give units moustaches, for a price, turning them into “Kleinführer”, but has low attack.
  • Kleinführer – cost: 600 The strongest of your foot soldiers, other than the Führer.
  • French – cost: only 10, but highly prone to surrender as soon as any actual fighting takes place, they also possess the special ability by throwing cheese at the enemy. This inflicts +10 Damage and poisoning, but remember.. do not rely on these frogs.
  • Kim Jong-Ill – cost: fucking loads and company for an hour. Able to betray your team and attack your units or himself. Also can set nukes that haven’t even been invented yet onto his enemies. Special ability: Care-bear-stare, AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

Enemies

Holocaust Tycoon in its early development.

  • Stalin – He is your main opponent and competitor in the game. He’s also a fanatic practitioner of genocide and will try to beat your killing records with his gulag camps. Luckily he is only allowed to exterminate his own people and sometimes captured German soldiers, you aren’t bothered by this restriction.
  • Allies’ Soldier – The basic enemy unit. Rough equivalent of SA-forces.
  • Soviet Soldier – A soldier that moves very fast, but has low maximum health. Will fire eight bullets, then throw three javelins, then if still not dead, will impale your men with his handy red flag.
  • American Soldier – A strong unit, but will sit around eating hamburgers when not fighting. Will strangle your men with stockings, club them with Hershey bars, or use any other stuff that he might have handy. Very rarely will he know how to work his gun. The American military training system just doesn’t work like that, yet somehow they always seem to kick your ass. Or at least let the Russians do the work then take the credit. Highly prone to friendly fire and team killing.
  • British Soldiers – One of the most difficult units to defeat yet easy to fathom. The Briton will fight till his dying breath, but if told the Americans will bankrupt the British Empire after the war they will defect to your side. The British are very strict during combat; at all times they carry a small copy of the Geneva convention, if captured they will bore your troops to death by reading out what you can and can’t do to them. WARNING!! Keep your soldiers away from British leftovers!!! The British meals will immediately poison your soldiers.
  • South African Soldier – A racist, anti-democratic Fascist, Since they share so many similarities to Germans they are difficult to defeat, the result of a single South African soldier penetrating your lines will be total destruction of your forces, Do not try to reason with them, They are so illogical and are such Mighty Warlords that you will be unable to defeat them through either logic or warfare.
  • South American Soldier – Very authoritarian, tyrannical and oppressive. Look out for the Argentine and Chilean ones, esp. with German surnames.
  • French Soldier – Very rarely seen on the field of battle except when carrying supplies for British soldiers. If attacked, is almost certain to attempt to wave a white flag.
  • Czech Soldier – Willing, but not actually able to fight. If given enough beer can evolve into either prisoners or British soldiers.
  • Slovak Soldier – We rather call them “Untermenschen” but Americans know them as “Slow fucks” and the British as “cheap labour”.
  • Polish Soldier – an Easter-egg unit that comes in riding horses. Hilarious. They fought off their enemies by marching backwards.
  • WwL Soldier – As soon as these captured soldiers from the Worlds without Limits Clan enter your camp, they rape everything in sight. They spread a disease called “Terminal Gonorrhea”. The only cure for an infected person is to pour beer down their pants but they are usually killed by the Canadian soldiers since they have their beer.
  • Belgian Soldiers – They sometimes appear on the battlefield, but never join the fight because they only have 4 bullets each. if you shoot them the belgian gouvernment will send you a long, and boring letter in which they will ask you to stop the fighting, this letter wil not close untill you’ve complety copied it backwards and send it back. That’s what they call political warfare. Van Damnne annoying!
  • Anti-Nazi – These terrifying ninjas will appear during the night. They are stronger than the SA-forces (they break roughly even with Kleinführer). They appear and kill silently. They release every prisoner they find.
  • Enemy Doctor – Heals enemy units. Can be a real nuisance, especially if they break into your House of Death. It makes them all 50% more effective.
  • Winston Churchill – His cigar smoke makes your troops pass out, and dissolve your fences. A combination of his cigar and a bottle of whisky may result into terrible damage to both your soldiers and your camp. It also makes all babies born in the camp look like him. Luckily, he doesn’t appear until later in the game.
  • General Patton – Enters game via Sherman Tank. Hurls insults at American Soldiers, bringing them immediately to attention for the purpose of listening to his long, drawn-out, demoralizing monologues. Patton is very dangerous unit because he doesn’t take shit from friend or foe, shooting at everything that moves.
    Special Ability number 1: Reincarnation.
    Special Ability number 2: Using the guts of your killed soldiers as grease for the treads of his tank. This makes his tank very fast and therefore very hard to hit.
  • Al Queda – If the game is completed, you will be fighting these bastards the next time you play. Warning, these guys have no intelligence and are highly prone to explosions. Mainly from themselves. Special Ability: Hijack.
  • Canadian Soldier – This is the most powerful opponent in the game. However, this is soley due to the fact that the Americans have told them you have all their beer. If they ever find out the Americans have their beer, they will defect to your side.
  • Australian Soldier – A relatively weak unit, due to their habit of drinking large amounts of beer on the battlefield (and everywhere else). They have trouble loading their rifles and are very poor shots, however their vast numbers make them very dangerous and hard to defeat.

Success and Expansion

Over time, a camp may develop and expand according to economic factors and the development of new industries or medical breakthroughs.

These include:

  • LuftWafflehouse Franchise – Allows you to sell defeated Belgian waffles for profit.
  • Flame grilled Frankfurters and Hamburgers – Raises troop morale by 30%.
  • Concentrated Orange Jews – See your mom – Nutritious. They make your units slowly regenerate health.
  • Dr Mengele’s House of Death – See your dad – Allows you to sacrifice Jews to gain special bonuses.
  • Eichmann’s Train o’ Fun – Can be used to torture inmates.
  • Uncle Adolf’s Jew’s Fizz and Fertilizer Emporium – Makes concentrated orange Jews healthier, increasing their refreshing taste and healing benefits!
  • Herr Doktor’s Un-Scented Soap on a Rope – Lure the people into the gas chamber with this! Make them think it’s a shower!
  • Führer’s Choice Leather Jackets – Make your troops 50% sexier, and more intimidating. They make them easier targets for homosexuals, but they inspire fear and jealousy in their enemies.
  • Nazi Soupenkitschen – Grounded up bone stew served by Jerry Seinfeld, the Jew owner of this restaurant. We hired excellent Scandinavian chefs and a few retards we hadn’t disposed of in the T-4 “Eugenics” program.
  • Auschwitz souvenir shop – Get your lamp shades here! Also come in colors, shapes and sizes (look for the dark brown kind, GAY pink triangles and made by crafty old Danish dudes before we put ’em to sleep).
  • ‘” Auschwitz FireWood Company – Fuel your furnaces with the spark of passion.

Strategy

During the 2006 Tournaments Siegfried Mengele (grandson of) surprised his foes by using a doctor-boom. The idea of a doctor-boom is to have a small army which eventually leads to a few prisoners escaping, but is cheap enough to have plenty money for doctors and have access to cruel biological weaponry quickly. A more commonly used strategy is the one called “Arbeit macht Geld” in which the destruction of Jewish prisoners is held off as long as possible. Instead they are used to drain money by scamming other prisoners, after which the money is confiscated in exchange for a longer lifespan.

Excerpt from the Official Holocaust Tycoon Strategy Guide: Genocide for Beginners

  • Lebensraum is always critical if you want to expand your reign of terror. Build your headquarters as close to natural resources as possible. If you minimize the distance between the ghettos and the extermination camps, you will save on the cost of laying railway track.
  • Save money early in the game by denying your prisoners basic civil liberties. You’ll benefit greatly in the later stages of the game when you can spend your hard earned Reichsmarks on Zyklon B and watch your death toll go through the roof!
  • Try to only hire SS and SA soldiers with blonde hair and blue eyes, as you will find that they are able to run faster, jump higher, live longer and are much more intelligent.
  • Build Dr Mengele’s House of Death as soon as possible to reap the rewards of biological supremacy through extensive experimentation.
  • SS Guards should never be utilised for mass grave digging. The prisoners themselves are more than capable of it, despite their extreme emaciation. If they die whilst digging, there are plenty more to take their place!
  • Once Jews have been killed, search their heads for gold teeth that can be traded to Soviet dissidents for weapons and ammunition!

Prisoner Types

Prisoner types have both advantages and disadvantages which increases the complexity of gameplay:

  • Gingers are easy to contain, as they cannot go outside but they may attempt to burn holes through your walls. Furthermore, other characters may mistake them for carrots and eat them.
  • Gypsies can con guards out of their weapons and cast blood curses on them, but you can give the Jewish prisoners false hope of survival by allowing them to beat the gypsies to death, and their mass grave digging productivity will increase.
  • Poles have difficulty understanding simple orders, but are also the easiest type of prisoner to capture. Poles are also very handy for doing the plumbing, although they might steal your transport.
  • Dutch prisoners are handy to have around, as they know how to keep themselves and their fellow prisoners happy and relaxed. Look out for special character Anne Frank, who unlocks an Easter Egg where your guards’ morale can be quickly increased to maximum by sexually assaulting prisoners.
  • Americans are rare until the later stages of the game, and American prisoners are typically fat and lazy, but smart and know how to escape. You are much better off killing them rather than holding them prisoner.
  • Canadians These prisoners are excedingly rare. Most of them orginate from a failed raid. They will work extremely hard, obey orders, and over all increase productivity. However, all they are doing is lulling your guards into a false sense of security. Even if the prisoner is a kind old man with an artifical leg who would never hurt a fly, one night, he will take off his wooden leg, beat your guards to death, and attempt to make his escape. It is possible to tell theu are getting ready to escape, as beer will begin to disappear, as they need beer to power-up. If deined beer, they are even stronger, as they desprately try to get their beer back. Finally, they can ruin American prisoners, as a single Canadian can drink all the American beer without getting even slightly drunk. May attempt to wedgie British officers, yelling about The Somme.
  • Brits will usually allow your soldiers to do anything to them or other prisoners for about 6 months. After that they will try to kill all your guards and escape. Like Canadians they will work hard, but only until their escape plan is perfected. Brits are the most expensive prisoners to keep, due to their excessive cigarette and whisky consumption. If you supply them with beer, however, you should be prepared for a huge shock…
  • French are astoundingly weak, cowardly and surrenders. They are a rude bunch, always yelling about “vive le resistance”, smell of wine, cheese and garlic, and do not fit the Aryan race model, they have to be done with in swift fashion.
  • Russians are renowned trouble makers and need a firm fist and loose trigger finger to keep in line. However their seemingly endless supply of red flags has its advantages in that burning them increases the morale of your men.
  • Jews are notoriously difficult to deal with. Not only do they have a habit of paying off camp guards with smuggled diamonds, but if kept too close to Christian children, they will kill them and drink their blood. Plagues generally start in the Jewish quarters. However, if you torture the Jews enough, they will eventually reveal where they have hidden their family’s wealth, and if you beat them in the head with the butt of your rifle, generally at least a couple of gold teeth will fall out along with the regular ones. If provoked, you must look out for their horns.
  • Homosexuals can spread homosexuality to other races, including the guards via “recruiting”. Homosexuals die quicker of natural causes, and require greater supervision, especially on Friday nights when they tend to sneak out of the camp to visit German discotheques. However a limited number of homosexuals can also be valuable because they won’t touch the young Jewish girls.
  • Germans are highly succeptible to the spread of homosexuality (see above). You will also encounter German women, but it’s very hard to distinguish them from German “men”, which explains why German men are such easy prey for the Homosexuals. German men with blonde hair and blue eyes who have caught homosexuality, aka ‘teh gheyness’, will make better SS special units (see above) than non-homosexual Aryans. German women, to win German “men” (including guards and prisoners), will perform in sick and twisted German pornography movies, but use caution when employing this tactic! Your Jewish prisoners may win distrubtion rights to the films and buy their way out!
  • Resistance Fighters are a somewhat special type, since they’re more like a subtype of the various other kinds of prisoners. They obey most orders and are quite efficient workers, but they’ve got one huge drawback: they can call upon the local Resistance Squad to rescue them. That’s not too bad, luckily: the Resistance Squad doesn’t give a damn about the non-resistance prisoners and leaves them behind when they’re escaping the camp.
  • Hogan’s Heroes will not make any attempt to escape, thus making it easier to have a record of no escapes from your camp. However, they will attempt to sabotage the war effort from within the camp walls, so you should eliminate them as soon as humanly possible.
  • Black people are the second worst race to the Jews. After you done eradicating all the orange Jews, and all the other subhumans, you must focus on terminating the “people of color” who are like monkeys. The objective is to get rid of six million, plus six billion more of other “non-Aryan” races in the whole world. Make sure you segregate them, but make them equal. Hire Americans who are known to wear white hoods and sheets to take care of them Negroes.
  • Communists are also the second worst race to the Jews. Generally, this will improve your reputation with American prisoners (when executed) but they will tend to kick other prisoners in the face, and sometimes will all line up in order to hail their honorable chairman, therefore taking their execution honorbally (shit). These can include russians but are usually chinese who refuse to understand that they’re prisoners of war, and on the same status as jews.

Easter Eggs

Fortunately the game does not come with many easter eggs, since the Jews have never believed in Easter, the Easter Bunny, chocolate eggs, Jesus, and the hypothesis that Arabs may be human too.

Special levels

  • Special level; McDonald’s . After completing the game, you know when you have accessed it as Hitler will come to your home at night wearing a bright red wig via the window (if there is no window the SS will install one free of charge) to congratulate you saying – “6,000,000 Jews Served!” If Hitler is unavailable you may be visited by Himmler, Mengele, or Mel Gibson’s father to applaud you on a job (and Jude) well done.
  • Special Fun House level (UK version only). Takes place inside of the Fun House: “Burn your body and your brain, without choosing play this game! Fun House, ba-da-da!”
  • Special: It’s a Small Third World after all. Where you take a smooth boat ride across the seven seas and view the five or six continents full of Darkies, Mongoloids and Wogs, represents every ethnic and national stereotype. Beware of the drunken Irish, the criminal I-talians, the savage Indians with feathers on their heads, Chinks of many kinds with slant eye glasses, karate outfits and bowl hair cuts, border-jumping Mexicans and the Israeli exhibit is where we watch the Dirty Jews and Dirty A-rabs fight like non-Christians.

Holocaust Tycoon: Siberia Teaches

Due to the success of the original game, an expansion pack was released in February, 2006. It was called Holocaust Tycoon: Siberia Teaches. In it, the player has to establish a camp in the heart of the motherland (The Soviet Union). The expansion pack has received poor reviews due to its extreme difficulty, a Gamespot reviewer wrote “Fucking JERK OFF, this game is bollocks! The prisoners freeze to death every time!”

The expansion also included some new gameplay including: political prisoners (they give a very big score but are hard to obtain), 3 new first-person shooter maps (“For the motherland!!!”, “Who called Stalin evil?” and “The capitalists are escaping!”) and the ability to expose prisoners to the national anthem of the Soviet Union (like a gas chamber but faster). To complicate matters, camps must remain highly productive at all times, and Stalin must take none of the blame. While peasants and factory workers may be worked to death in your mines, other prisoner types such as aerospace engineers must be kept comfortable while still being forced to work under threat of death. Another aspect that complicates gameplay is that each of the player’s units tries to denounce another one from time to time, or forces another unit to denounce a third one. Every time this happens, at least one of the units involved is executed immediately without adequate replacement. More advanced units (e.g., secret officers, political officers and party secretaries) are more likely to suffer from this fate. During later phases of the game, the player will thus notice a severe lack of high-level units, especially those with veteran status.

At the end of the game’s lengthy campaign, the player will receive an invitation to Stalin’s office. Stalin then orders the player to be eliminated due to “lack of efficiency”. Nobody knows what were the people at Ka-tzetnik Enterprises thinking, but he refuses to tell anyone else, although God is currently looking into the matter.

Holocaust Tycoon: The Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea

In the new expansion pack the player goes beyond controlling a camp in some desolate country to controlling a desolate country. The gameplay gives unprecedented freedom for a video game. As the Minister of the Interior, the player can conduct propaganda campaigns to inspire people to work harder for less food, increase agricultural output by adding paper to bread dough, invent new methods of torture, and use secret prisons to re-educate dissidents by beating them with bamboo sticks. However, most importantly the player has to make comforts available to the Dear Leader to keep him occupied to prevent him from giving on-the-spot guidance. Electronics such as iPods and computers are very effective. If the Dear Leader is not occupied the player has no choice but to follow His idiotic advice. This will result in a disaster for which the player will be blamed for and punished by the Dear Leader.

The reviews for the game were quite good:

  • “Glory to the people’s red army!” – The Dear Leader on Everything (the only words that He ever spoke out loud to the Korean public).
  • “This game sucks, every small failure on part of the player is punished by The Leader, and eventually the player is then sent to a concentration camp. Then the game locks down your computer so you can’t turn it off, and the player is forced to watch as his character suffers for 3 long years in a gulag that he constructed to be eventually killed during the US invasion.”

Holocaust Tycoon; Yugoslavia edition

The long-awaited edition sold out in like 5 minutes, about 3 billion were made.

When Europe after WWII and the fall of Communism had an old saying “Never again”, it did happen again in the former republic of Yugoslavia, the land of fraternal unity of rival ethnic groups with a deadly grudge against each other.

The objective of the game is for your ethnic group faction to set up a smaller but just as deadly “camp” guaranteed to be fun. You need to expand your ground to include enough ground to bury your prisoners in mass graves. But you have to act fast before the NATO air strike with its missles positioned at your prison command headquarters occurs in any moment.

Choose Serbs and try to beat the high score of Ratko Mladić.

Sequel

After way too many expansions for humanity’s own comfort, most were burned but the company producing still made sales. They decided to produce a NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW (quoted from Dr. Phil, an American hater) edition of Holocaust Tycoon. It has only been revealed that there will be jew-eating aliens, as well as more criticism from critics about the fact that the graphics are still set for a 1996 game.

International reception

Despite the fact that Holocaust Tycoon got mostly positive reviews, it has not sold well on the Western market. However, it is a record-breaking seller In Somalia, Afghanistan, Mauritania, Niger, Venezuela, Georgia, Kosovo and North Korea.

It got Best Fictional Event award in Iran.

PC Requirements

General:

  • Turing machine (Analytical Machine recommended)
  • IBM Computer recommended (general speed increase)
  • 65536 MHz Enigma® processor
  • RAM: 16gb DDR4 acer
  • 5000 GB of lebensraum
  • Goldtooth devices are not supported
  • 1000 years warranty recommended
  • Large Achtung Juden sign
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