Writer's Caffe

December 9, 2009

Fascist

Filed under: Politics — amerkaj @ 4:22 pm

Fascist

This article was written by a fascist.
If you don’t laugh, we’ll execute five prisoners!

If you are so much as five minutes late for work, this man will put it on your employee record.

Formerly a follower of the doctrine of Fascism, a vicious political philosophy of a militarist totalitarianism. Nowadays, the word Fascist refers to anyone who annoys you, even slightly.

Why exactly the Fascists stopped strutting around in black shirts publicly assaulting their enemies and started correcting the spelling of your e-mails instead and telling you off for not washing your coffee cup is unknown.

//

Fascists – Old vs. New

Old School Fascists

An old-school fascist with a blaster.
  • Would assault political enemies, sometimes forcibly feeding them castor oil to symbolically “purge” the opposition and to humiliate the individual in question.
  • Imprisoned and tortured those who disagreed with fascist doctrine.
  • Continously invaded Ethiopia, Libya, Albania and Greece.
  • Made deals with the Nazis, plotting to conquer the world.
  • Co-erced and controlled business’s and unions alike.
  • Ruthlessly censored all forms of the media.
  • Rebuilt whole societies on a foundation of fear and intimidation.
  • Adopted a semi-official uniform of black shirts (or brown where black was too expensive).

New School

  • Yell at you for not flushing the toilet when you’re finished.
  • Expect two forms of ID, at least one of which bearing a picture.
  • Fire you from work for browsing porno and/or Uncyclopedia all day.
  • Put you on hold, then have the nerve to say that your call is important.
  • Shush you at the movies.
  • Hassle you when you take your time ordering at McDonald’s.
  • Give you a parking ticket.
  • Ban you from Uncyclopedia or any other Wiki after you’ve vandalized 20 articles.
  • Don’t even listen to your side of the story.
  • Are even slightly to your right politically, (Note that those to your political left are always Communists).
  • Conservapedia
  • They are members of the Republican Party.
  • Adopted a uniform of any damned thing they want except Iron Maiden T-shirts
  • Tell you to stop running in the corridors

In recent years, the marauding bands of fascists, communists, Nazis, and Socialists responsible for these and other outrages have largely vanished, and recent statistics show that over 74% of such irritations are now caused by terrorists.

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